Oh My Stars!

On the CBS Early Show this morning, I heard a “reporter” start his “report” thusly: “After revelations that her husband fathered a love child, Maria Shriver has not gone into hiding.”

That hussy! How dare she attempt to lead her life and continue to appear in public? I mean, clearly, if she had been performing her wifely duties, Arnie wouldn’t have been forced to look elsewhere to satisfy his needs. What alternative did he have? Really, Maria, if you had any self-respect, you’d just take the veil and withdraw to a nunnery.

Yeesh – the breathtaking coverage of this non-story is horrible. First there’s the fact that it is not actually news. Two public figures who are married are getting a divorce because one of them couldn’t keep his dick in his pants (or wear a condom). So what?

Beyond that is the tone of the reports – both prudish and salacious simultaneously. I mean, Jesus – “love child”?  Who says that outside of a Douglas Sirk movie? Though I suppose I ought to be grateful that the kid isn’t being referred to as the “bastard son”.

Other highly important news of the day included “Queen Declines Pint of Guiness” and “Oprah Saluted By Cavalcade of Stars.” I guess maybe the rapture really is coming this Saturday…

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