Cable Companies: Even Worse Than the Borg

I’ll say it again: cutting the cable cord was the best decision I’ve ever made. Not only do I save money, I watch less TV. And what I do watch is of superior quality – I’m halfway through Season 2 of Sherlock and it is excellent. Also really liking Prisoners of War, the Israeli show upon which Homeland is based.

Anyway, here’s Time-Warner Cable pissing off Patrick Stewart and William Shatner simultaneously. And trying to be “funny.” Seriously, TWC, if you’re going to crack wise, I recommend it not be to a member of the Royal Shakespeare Company who has also portrayed Jean-Luc Picard, Professor Charles Xavier, Gurney Halleck and the inner-voice for Susie Swanson. You will not come off well…

from FAIL blog

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Why you gotta play me like that, Facebook?

Um, no, not so much…

And as for this? Oh for fuck’s sake! Just no. NO. N-O spells “no.” Absolutely not.

We Are All Sasha Fierce

Another reason I’m glad I’m a gay: we make the best signs.

Though I’d be remiss if I didn’t include this too. Because, for realz.

HA!

Yes, I get that blogging is a supremely self-centered activity. “Read me! Read me! Look at me! I’m interesting!” And I am the first to admit that I’m not especially interesting – I’d even venture to say I’m quite dull.

However, I am also hy-fucking-larious.  I constantly crack people up – not least of all myself. And I just stumbled across this long ago comment I made on some blog or another – and once again cracked myself the fuck up. I mean, COME ON. If you  don’t think this is the funniest thing you’ve seen today, well then, I feel sorry for you.

CARPOCALPYSE!

He ballin’! But not movin’…

So, there’s a Giants game letting out (a game I was at, in a luxury suite behind home plate… but I digress) AND there’s a 90,000 attendee Salesforce convention at Moscone involving street closures AND it’s after-work rush hour. Traffic is at a complete standstill for blocks in every direction.

And I’m on my bike, leisurely and steadily pedaling along per usual, a smirk of self-satisfaction on my face as I go on my way unimpeded, marveling at my superiority to automobile drivers. It is glorious.

But, lo – it get’s even better. I pass some d’bag (in a BMW… I know, redundant) who is a block away from a red light, traffic not moving an inch because there’s nowhere to go. His solution? HOOOOOONNNNNKKKKKK! Dude is full-on leaning on his horn. So I chime in as I pass…

Me: Jesus, shut up! What the fuck is wrong with you?
Him: You’re a liberal fag!
Me: YES, I AM! ALSO, FUCK YOU, ASSHOLE!

And then I just kept on my merry way, arriving at the next intersection fully ten minutes ahead of him and now already ensconced at home with a glass of wine writing about his douchebaggery while he still sits about 75 feet from where he was last leaning on that horn. Oh, bicyles – you are the best!