CARPOCALPYSE!

He ballin’! But not movin’…

So, there’s a Giants game letting out (a game I was at, in a luxury suite behind home plate… but I digress) AND there’s a 90,000 attendee Salesforce convention at Moscone involving street closures AND it’s after-work rush hour. Traffic is at a complete standstill for blocks in every direction.

And I’m on my bike, leisurely and steadily pedaling along per usual, a smirk of self-satisfaction on my face as I go on my way unimpeded, marveling at my superiority to automobile drivers. It is glorious.

But, lo – it get’s even better. I pass some d’bag (in a BMW… I know, redundant) who is a block away from a red light, traffic not moving an inch because there’s nowhere to go. His solution? HOOOOOONNNNNKKKKKK! Dude is full-on leaning on his horn. So I chime in as I pass…

Me: Jesus, shut up! What the fuck is wrong with you?
Him: You’re a liberal fag!
Me: YES, I AM! ALSO, FUCK YOU, ASSHOLE!

And then I just kept on my merry way, arriving at the next intersection fully ten minutes ahead of him and now already ensconced at home with a glass of wine writing about his douchebaggery while he still sits about 75 feet from where he was last leaning on that horn. Oh, bicyles – you are the best!

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